Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
