I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
