..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
