I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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