I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
