dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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