i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
