u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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