Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
