yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
