Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
