I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
