He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
