Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am available for nakedness
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
