I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
