I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
