I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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