I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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