You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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