The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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