We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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