isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
