so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
