I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fuck appropriateness.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
