I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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