I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
