I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
