Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
