I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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