Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
