he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
