i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
