My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
