I need help removing her.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
