I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
