i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
