u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
