I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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