oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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