Just cropdusted the office
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
