Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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