never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
