me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
