and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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