I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
