i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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