Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
