My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
