so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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