I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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