did you get engaged???
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
