when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
